What’s the ‘appreciate’ in appreciation?

September 29, 2010

Late on Monday, two young college students showed up at my house to deliver an invitation for a workshop I would be teaching the very next morning.  They repeated several times how much they were looking forward to the workshop. Early the next morning, a van accompanied by a faculty member, arrived to transport me to the college. As we arrived 45 minutes later, a parallel line of college students stood in the doorway and saluted as we drove by. At the door, another group of students pinned fancy buttons on us, complete with our names, and handed us flowers. I was escorted to the director’s office and offered food and beverage.  At the time of the workshop, I was escorted down a red carpet, to be greeted by a school choir and the assembled participants. A song, an introduction, a welcome and an invitation to begin.

All of this preceded a three hour workshop conducted by yours truly.

I bring this all of this up as a preface to my latest endeavor in understanding my Fulbright home – learning to understand and distinguish between the many and sometimes subtle levels of appreciation.

The extremity of politeness, respect and appreciation here is well introduced in that first paragraph.  For a simple three hour workshop, with a group of people who have never meet me and amongst whom only one has seen some of my work but only AFTER I received the invitation to do this workshop, the amount of work and planning that was required is both touching and a little overwhelming.  Does one deserve such an incredible reception?  And for a simple three hour workshop?

Therein lay my query.  How do you discern appreciation, truly inspired appreciation, when so much appreciation is generally extended?

One of the extremely positive aspects of being here is the positiveness of people.  So easily people desire to appreciate who you are, so quicker people compliment what you do and have done, so readily people wish to share your accomplishments with others.  And I am not talking about myself here.  So often when I am introduced to others, the introducer will point out the accomplishments of the person I am introduced to. A sincere endeavor to honor each other.  There is no sarcasm or smirking involved and no embarrassment about the experience.

For me, then, when presenting workshops, lectures and classes, I enjoy the consistently pleasant process of sharing accomplishments and being almost bragged about by my hosts.  However, I also want to know that I have inspired a genuinely surprised appreciation as well.  I know the pleasantries are genuine, but its an even greater joy when I can catch people off-guard with work or words that deeply affects or inspires them.  So lately I have been ‘researching’ –in a way— how to discern the truly surprised emotional responses that indicate I have help moved people beyond what they commonly understand or know to discover an idea or two that sparks their imagination and inspires them toward new horizons of achievement.

I am learning to see the dawning understanding in their eyes, in the way that conversation subtly changes and in the manner in which people approach me and talk after an experience.  When a teacher stood up to sing a song she had spontaneously created in response to a workshop; when the CEO of a group of schools started repeating over and over again how necessary it is to get me to return and work with other staff in his schools, when a professor approaches me to say, ‘I just came back because I want to hear you talk so more;’ or when the children at a school gang up on me in the halls to insistently beg for my autograph; or even the head faculty member who stands in front of me, speechless, trying to describe the reaction she has in seeing her students come out of their shells.

Now none of these reactions are any different than I might get at home, but the subtle difference in approach, emotion, gregariousness and language in an understanding that needs to be developed and cultivated.  It’s quite fun, actually, and makes for a scintillating challenge on my part.

We all like to be appreciated, but as constant appreciation is an expected and regular part of interaction here, the game of shaking up the way of appreciation is, well, appreciated.