Reality becomes Real

Blog #1

I arrived in Bhopal by walking across the tarmac, as the airlines bus overflowed with passengers and the attendants thought it quicker for us to just walk. Outside, I briefly met my hosts and we whisked off into the semi-formal of approaching evening, navigating the beeping cars, screaming motorcycles and unforgiving buses.

I made it. But now I realized I must face it. As we whizzed along, I got little updates about the group I would be working with, a collection of  young actors from India, Nepal and Sri Lanka. The updates presented a reality I hadn’t quite expected, as many of them were trained at the national school of drama and have a range of performance experience that has shifted my understanding of what I might need to do with these folks.

There’s often a pre-beginning reality that is a little frightening, making me wonder if I am up to the task, if I am worthy of the task, if I have now placed myself in a place of coming disappointment. A question reverberates deep inside that asks, over and over again, what will work with is this group in this moment in this place? Just as they bring a wealth of experience, in life and work, I try to remind myself that I carry this one ability, at least: to question. To ask myself, to challenge myself, to reach out to who these people are and their desired goals and hopes. For me to not simply give what I have, but to mold my experience into theirs and create an experience that best reflects this moment in time.

And therein lies the self-questioning. Not fully knowing what I may end up doing, I am not fully aware of what I should be preparing. So I face this new situation feeling a bit under prepared. Which is a part of the draw and excitement of such new experiences, as deep inside I know that I will learn from this experience as well.

And so at this moment, I begin a new experience in a new place with a new group of people. And who will we be at the conclusion? We’ll have to wait and see. Damn it.