Who needs control anyway?

June 29, 2013

Here I learn to let go of control. I face the need to ‘go with the flow’ and embrace the uncertainty.  Now, I can hear my artistic colleagues saying, ‘Yeah, man, it’s good to just go with the flow of creative development.’ I don’t mean, however, simply the flow of creative work done between the hours of 9 and 5, or 7-10 pm.  I mean the flow of when will we start? When will we end today? Who’s actually here today? No power, huh? What do you mean lunch didn’t show up? What happened to the guitar player? That group of 7 is now down to 3. How do we alter their play today?

I am good at control, which I tend to think of as organization. Here, I feel the nightly pang of not spending more time planning, but daily I face the challenge of not knowing exactly what we will be able to do or who I might have to work with.  The deep-seated frustration of that, however, is slowly replaced by a growing ability to quickly and concisely assess each moment and use what we have to our greatest advantage.  I learn to trust that chance will plan an interesting hand that will creatively and organizationally inspire me to fill each moment in some useful, engaging manner.

It is a dynamic that works well in oddly affecting and upsetting ways that combine to (generally) achieve success (of a sort). It is a dynamic that does enrich my work, but at the same time is not truly transferable to my home base. The result is that I relish work in places away from home for this unique experiences that feed my person and my creativity. Oddly.